To Group or Not to Group?

That’s a big question for those of us in recovery from spiritual or cultic abuse. A friend from out of state, who is a therapist told a client, who is a cult survivor, about a support group he might be interested in. He laughed at her. “Join a group? Heck no. Never again. I’m done with groups!”

A group, a congregation, an organization, a collective, a community — whatever the setting — if violations take place where people who align with the same ideals gather, you’ve got a complicated mess on your hands. The group surrounding a leader or ideology can exacerbate the trauma caused by abuse of power. In such situations, many of us were publicly shamed for things we did while striving to align with the goals of the group. This is excruciating and humiliating. If you manage to extricate yourself from that network, Bravo! But even with good therapy and support from friends and family, we can continue to suffer quietly, making it far safer to steer clear of groups altogether. Aversion to groups can actually be a hard-earned survival mechanism.

Group violation is especially challenging because we are such social beings — as Dr. Dan Siegel, a neuropsychologist, says, “We are hardwired for connection”. But when that natural instinct has been turned against us and violation occurs in a group setting, be it verbal, emotional, sexual or spiritual, the added layer of pride and shame compounds the experience. By pride, I’m referring to the group think: “we are special” , “we know something others don’t know” or “we are the chosen ones.” And shame, well…